Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in christa louise's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
5:46 pm	Delusion/Confession I still walk around with ideas in my head that I'm some sort of undiscovered genius with a unique way of thinking that makes me just a little bit different from most others and will perhaps one day solve the world's problems. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
7:59 pm	The Epoch of Twitch I don't think I've ever been this restless in my entire life. I used to be so good at sitting still. I think this change is a good thing. I'm going to go find out how strong crazy glue REALLY is. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
9:13 pm	I'm not sure if I've shared this yet. This summer when I was up in Stewart, my old roomate Renna's hometown, I met a woman named Chantal. She and Renna grew up together, and Chantal has stayed in Stewart, got married and had 2 daughters. Chantal has been through a lot, it turns out, though you would never know it to meet her. We learned from Renna that Chantal's dad died when she was a teenager, and her mom turned to drinking. Her mom then met a man who shared her love for drinking, and left 14 year old Chantal alone with her sister to be with him in another town. This other man eventually died, and Chantal's mother turned to vodka, and not much else. When we were there her mom was in the hospital, yellow and with a liver that no longer functioned. Chantal, even though she had 2 pre-school aged daughters to take care of by herself while her husband worked 15 hour days 7 days a week blasting in mines out in the mountains and a job at the pub to hold down, was by her mom's side every day. They made plans to go to Mexico together once she got better. We and her neighbours were helping as much as we could, with dinners and taking the girls for awhile, but still, the load she was carrying was enormous. This woman was amazing. She had no grudges against her mom, no complaints about having to take care of the girls alone, no issues with asking for or accepting help from anyone in the community.... there was no bitterness in this woman whatsoever. She laughed with us, but wasn't ashamed to cry in front of anyone. There was never any question about what was appropriate where or with whom - she just did what needed to be done and kept on loving her friends and family and mom. Despite the tragedy and hardship she was going through she didn't for one perceivable second feel sorry for herself, nor did she stop enjoying life. I really admired her and the way she lived. Her mom died soon after we left. Soon after that, she found out she was pregnant, which was funny, cause the whole time we were there we were commenting on how she was glowing. Pregnant women really do radiate that light. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
11:00 pm	Hello out there Do you ever feel like you're really far away from everyone? I find it easier to express my feelings when they are in the form of a question. I guess in trying to seem less desperate we often appear more desperate. Current Mood: i feel ready for change Current Music: little wings (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 28th, 2006
10:26 am	de do do do de da da da Came to school early to write up an outline for a paper, but now I've finished and have half an hour to kill. I'd go to the cafeteria and get something, but the food in there is so bad I can't even pretend that it's good. I think the only ingredients in the muffins are oil and sugar. Instead of wallowing in disappointment that no one has posted an entry on here for a few days, I guess I'll post one myself. For the first time in my scattered post-secondary "career" I am ahead of the game. A full week ahead! Looking very, very much forward to taking almost a whole week off! I can't wait to see you guys in Vancouver! My brain feels like it's balancing out. I thought 4 Sociology courses would be too much to handle... would have me looking at the world with all to dire and pessimistic a view... but things feel okay! It is honestly pretty scary, the way things are going in the world right now, what with growing growing gaps between the rich and poor all over the world (the numbers are shameful-in 1960 the ratio of rich to poor was 30:1, in 1980 45:1, and in 1997 74:1 - UN Development program numbers - that indicates the percentage of money that goes to the richest 20% of the population and the poorest 20% respectively), sliding back into a more sexist age, further further diminishing social programs in this country to help people... it's infuriating. And amazing, the false-consciousness that exists. This country has been steadily chipping away at the welfare state since 1984, but because it's happening so slowly and the governments ACT like they care, people think we're doing alright. Oh, but wait. Didn't I just say that things felt okay? I can't even THINK about the environment... Oh wow, I hope I'm not preaching. But it is possible to think about this stuff without feeling overwhelmed and helpless, right? I mean, you can care, and still just go out and have a good time too. Figuring out the best way to be part of making a difference in all of this is what is on my mind a lot. Off to my "Industrialization and Social Change" class. The professor for this one is the most into talking about all the horrible things that are happening, but somehow manages to be the most enjoyable too. It could be because of the way he rubs his head with one hand and gestures wildly with the other for and hour and a half straight every class. Current Mood: good Current Music: in my head - the police (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 24th, 2006
7:02 pm	I have worked in this bookstore for 21 months. I get so bored sometimes that I act like a real asshole to this guy Doug. Today I told him that the only reason why this other guy on staff, Rhys, calls him his "cuddledoug" is because he can tell that Doug is the most homophobic guy here. I know by now that Doug has no sense of humour whatsoever, but I just can't stop doing things like this. I want to push limits in this store, even though I know that nothing around here ever changes. And it's not like I strive to be mean to Doug, it's just that I want him to snap out of this daze he's been in for the last 20 years. Also, it's really hard to fight the urge to just automatically direct every softspoken guy with a ponytail to the Metaphysical section. I'm tired of tight-lipped smiles and "29.98 please"'s. Problem is, it seems I'm addicted to money. Looking forward to going down to 3 days a week when school starts (maybe 2 would be even better...) and hopefully I won't even miss the paycheques. (ha) Great thing is, every other area of my life feels really awesome right now! Life seems exciting even though I'm not really doing anything new at the moment. I just have a feeling that something new isn't very far away. Maybe it's just a new frame of mind picked up from all the people around me whose lives are changing. I'm surprised sometimes. I'm not nearly as nice and generous a person as I thought I might be. But I feel pretty ok, regardless. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 10th, 2006
10:45 pm	It's amazing how a 4-year-old pretending she's a snowflake and a pack of nude cyclists will bring a person out of a bad mood. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
9:32 am	Last night I went out to dinner with a guy. He picked me up in his silver VW Jetta after getting back from the gym and proceeded to tell me about his new workout program, along with every other detail of his day. He explained his new fancy car stereo to me and asked me what kind of music I liked. He talked about ultimate fighting and described himself as an "alternative skater guy". He also talked about his ex girlfriend with hate in his voice and eyes for at least 15 minutes. He said the words "I'm crazy like that", and he was fucking serious. I knew that the date would go like this, but I had to do it. Maybe now he'll stop coming into work and buying every book I recommend, telling me about his business ventures and asking me what I'm up to this weekend. Persistence pays off, I guess, cause I went out with him, but holy crap this had better stop. It's not like he's mean or bad or anything, but wow, just not for me. On the plus side we went out to this really good Indian buffet in a strip mall in Tillicum and along beside it was a store with custom ice cream cakes and pinball machines. We played "Tommy" named after that movie musical done by Andrew Lloyd Weber and The Who. (Or was it just one of the guys from The Who?) I don't know, I haven't seen it nor had I heard of it before last night, but what a cool thing to make a pinball machine for. Also, there was a game store next door that was closed, but there were about 8 teenage boys inside afterhours playing Dungeons and Dragons! How awesome is that!? I wish I was hanging out with those kids instead. To make it all better I went out to the pub on the corner with my roomates and spelled dirty words in Scrabble and had a pint of chocolate beer. This pub, The Bent Mast, is amazing because it is in this huge old creepy house that hasn't been restructured inside except for building the actual bar. The house is built where two roads diverge from the square and has nice outside garden seating which is especially beautiful at night. When you go upstairs to the bathroom you feel like you're going to run into some woman in a petticoat or a maid carrying her masters bedpan. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
6:36 pm	Do these things ever turn out well? Yesterday someone left a bouquet of orchids in our mailbox with a post-it note. "It is a gentleman's prerogative to give flowers to a beautiful woman." It was signed "D." There are 3 women in my house including me and we have NO idea who it is. Today there was a white rose. No note. C'mon, buddy, at least specify who it's FOR! Has anyone ever known a secret admirer story to turn out well? (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 14th, 2006
1:07 am	Thursday night. Bluegrass Gospel band at the White Eagle Community Hall. Drinking cider. A beltbuckle competition. Two doorprize draws; one for a bunch of ribeye steaks, the other for a big box of tofu. Dancing, clapping, singing, and a lot of yee-haw type noises. Finale: an a cappella satan hating song and a beer-endorsing, cocaine discouraging tune. A quick return home and a freezer now filled with tofu. Medium, firm, extra-firm, herb infused and smoked cajun flavour. I am the champion of this evening. Despite the lack of exclamation points, I am glowing with pleasure. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
7:32 pm	move it move it I've moved! To a wonderful new neighborhood! With wonderful new people! Things are really going well so far, it was a really good change. I now live at 548 Toronto St. and the postal code is V8V 1P2! We have a south-facing front porch that spans the whole front of the house, a claw-foot bathtub, and just tons and tons of living space. It's closer to downtown and just a block away from a grocery store, bookstore, two pubs, three cafes, a flower shop, a liquor store, an electric scooter store, and much more! Next week is the last week of school this semester, and just in time. I'm finding my balance to be a little off lately. Talking about such serious issues in class (like, did you know that there are many forms of female circumcision, the most serious being infibulation, or pharaonic circumcision, when they cut off the clitoris, labia minora, and then cut away part of the labia majora and sew it all together, leaving only a tiny hole for urination and menstrual flow?) and then coming out and needing such a release that when my friend told me the story of him getting hit by a car on his bike and getting rushed to the hospital I laughed out loud. I have to focus sometimes to not let seriousness take over my brain. Or maybe unfocus. Things are good. If only I could have everything I have here and bring it all to Vancouver so I could spend more time with all of the people that I miss there. Tonight there are Country Kareoke Championships and I have no one to go with! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
7:11 pm	I washed my hands. Today was a pretty great day. I got 2/3rds of a paper done before going to class! I was full of energy! Sitting in a classroom with the sun beaming in from outside fills me full of that anticipation I used to feel during those June's of high school. All the excitement and possibility of summertime is almost here! I found out that I did pretty well on a midterm and got a paper back to find that I got an 'A-' even though I did what I thought was a shitty job AND handed it in a day late! I couldn't help but congradulate myself on what a genius I was! I mean, to slack off all the time and still get good grades! Surely I must be above the normal realms of intelligence! In continuing studious form, I proceeded to the library to outline the essay I am to write this evening, before returning home. Just try to stop this fiery academic! I finished my outline, and before parting in a self-righteous haze, I stopped at the washrooms. And dropped my bus pass in the toilet. AFTER I had peed in it. And I had to reach with my bare hand into the pee-water-filled public toilet and pick that plastic identification card with that picture of my own smug face smiling up at me out of there. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
11:50 pm	Sometimes I get into this headspace where I feel like I am a really, really selfish person. Selfish because I don't share and give as much as I could, I don't look people in the eye like I should, I don't participate fully in conversations, and mostly, I'm not honest with the emotions I express. Sometimes I don't believe that people really are who they are showing me they are. Sometimes I feel like I act pretentiously. Some people I meet, I think they are just faking it, all the time. And maybe they are. But surely not all of them? I exclude more and more from "people I want to hang out with". It feels like I'm setting myself up for disaster, but to act any differently in some instances would feel like a lie. My face hurts. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
6:29 pm	Change I found a new place to live! I'm going to be living with 3 other people! They seem pretty cool! The house is really nice! It's in a fantastic neighborhood, closer to the beach/downtown/park with petting zoo with peacocks/other favorite neighbourhood in the city! There's a clawfoot bathtub! Living with other people and near peacocks that I can talk to means I won't be able to live inside my head as much! I'm really not looking forward to cleaning the fridge and oven when I move out, but other than that things are exciting! Current Music: Multiply - Jamie Lidell (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
5:06 pm	Ah, today Today I've decided to start capitalizing the beginnings of sentances and proper nouns in my typing again. Today my ferry was delayed due to high winds and then my bus was late but I STILL made it to my Anthropology midterm on time! I got a message on my phone half way through the day that the field school in Mexico isn't going to run due to lack on interest. I wasn't surprised, not even a little bit. They want me to come by the office to tell me about other field schools that are running, but I'm kind of gearing up to finally see a bit more of my own country. A smaller trip in the in-between time while I wait for another educational travel opportunity presents itself. I mentally kick myself everytime I say something like "I'm waiting for that opportunity to present itself." I mean, it's true - opportunities DO present themselves, whether you are looking for them or not... but I suppose I fear I will forget my ability to search for and seek out these opportunities on my own. My thing right now is just to be really consciously open to anything that might come up. It feels good. My last class was cancelled and so I had some time in the sunshine! On the bus ride home I was telling a wonderful friend from New Brunswick about my wishes to travel Canada. She's done the trip several times by car and by rail, and said she'd love to to the trip with me! We'll see if it works out, but wow wouldn't that be wonderful! Travelling by land would definitely be the best way, but to do it by myself would lead to craziness, especially since I'm pretty sure I'm too scared to pick up hitchhikers. No matter how it happens, where and when it'll happen... my next trip is going to be fantastic! How much time would I need to skip up to Newfoundland? Things are always so positive feeling when the sun is out... plus I just had a fantastic weekend visiting my wonderful sisters and friends.... sigh! I'm going to go eat some perogies and greek salad! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
6:40 pm	I did it! I applied for the field school! I love it when there's no turning back (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
8:56 pm	It's hard not to surrender to the bold and comely words what sway the bloody minded what hang above the graceless herd it's hard not to surrender but i will dance down thru the alley ways with one foot in the gutter take the city as a sister the nighttime as a lover nighttime anytime it's alright and lo, i found a world of light in the rabid hands of the night Constantines - Nighttime/Anytime (It's Alright) (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
5:07 pm	these are some things on my mind Should I apply for that field school in Guadalajara or shouldn't I? I'm hesitant because part of me wants to hold out and do a year or a semester abroad somewhere and if i spend four grand doing this for six weeks I dont know if I'll be able to. Or am I afraid? I don't speak any Spanish. What if I just made a trip out east this spring instead? I would spend less, I've always wanted to do it... but I'd make it alone. One thing i've noticed about travelling alone is that I spend a lot of time wishing I had someone to share these sights and experiences with. The application is due this Friday, and after glancing at it again today i see that i need TWO references, not one. I'd better beg my boss... it's a $500 deposit with the application - non-refundable if i get accepted. UBC has an amazing international study program. What if I did that instead? Should I move to Vancouver when it comes time to choose a university? I wonder if it would be possible to live in Grandma's house somewhere, basement or main floor, to save on rent. Would Andrea and I get annoyed with eachother, or would it work fine? Should I even bother thinking about this stuff now? I posted some pictures! http://photobucket.com/albums/b45/christalk Current Mood: at work (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 11th, 2005
2:07 am	tonight, when i was just about to walk through the doors of a bar to go dancing, a guy came out and smashed his forehead directly and with great force into the bridge of my nose. At first i thought i would be okay, but then tears started pouring pouring pouring. ouch. I hope i'm not deformed tomorrow... and I so had my heart set on dancing! apparently it made a really loud crunching noise though. that's pretty cool. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
2:44 pm	Remember that episode of Saved By The Bell where Zach starts talking to some chick sitting in a booth at the Max and they agree to go out on a date, then he stands up and finds out that she's in a wheelchair? He gets freaked out, cancels the date because of a fake sickness, but then realizes she's really a great person inside and takes her to the dance anyway? What the fuck happened the day after? I'm sure this girl became infatuated with him, but by the time the next episode came around it was like she didn't even go to Bayside anymore. Sure, one date was fine cause it made him look good to his other friends and gave him a warm fuzzy feeling inside, but I'm sure Zach would tire of the novelty. How did he let her down? They never show that part. I bet wheelchair girl went mad with rage, tore the armrest off her chair and tried to stab Zach Morris through the heart with it. (4 Comments |Comment on this)